Blog ennui?
Waaah. No one has commented on my blog in weeks. :-(

Capitalist excess
In my never ending quest to ensure my family never runs out of everything, I recently joined BJs warehouse club. Buying in bulk for me means saved time (fewer store trips) that can be spent with Claire, and saved money on things we buy most often, like diapers.

I have to admit, however, that these clubs are a showcase of American consumerism at its worst. People load their oversize carts with obscene amounts of everything imaginable. And while bulk buying should mean less packaging, many buy bulk quantities of things like snack packs of potato chips. I think of all the landfills that will be created to accommodate the little chip bags and it makes me feel a bit ill. Is it really so time consuming to put chips into baggies from one large 2 or 3 lb. bag?

I don't think of myself as excessively eco-conscious, but there are some things I do to reduce waste, like use a water filter instead of buying bottled water. I also wash and re-use zipper baggies from my bag lunches. Now I feel kind of extreme for using old rags for cleaning instead of disposable wipes that contain window cleaner, bathroom cleaner or furniture polish. Oh, and using a washcloth instead of disposable "facial cloths."

I'm wondering why the eco-warriors of the world aren't going after manufacturers for inventing these "convenience" items that are no more easy than the reusable alternative, and cost more and create more waste.

I also wonder if I should feel more guilty for using disposable diapers and kleenex instead of cloth diapers and handkerchiefs. I am a hypocrite too, I guess.

Catching up
A lot of time has passed since I last blogged. Part of the reason I haven't been online as much is of course because Claire was hospitalized last weekend. (The full story, with photos, is on Joel's blog.) I caught stomach flu from some germy person at Children's Hospital and was sick for a few days once Claire came home. Fortunately, she gets immunity to my illnesses from my milk.

Claire is doing great now, eating well and looking softer in the face and the middle. We hope to see more plumpness on her limbs in the next few weeks.

Her great accomplishment for last week was to sleep in her crib in her room at night, instead of the bassinet in our room. It's great to finally use the nursery we worked hard to furnish and decorate nicely for her. Also, I had been waking at every sigh she made, so now that she's in her own room I sleep through the night again. Joel is mostly uneffected by the change. Claire would have to scream for several minutes to wake him. Ah the deafness of dads....

Work, of course has been totally nuts. The magazine was already 4 days behind schedule when I returned to work on Oct. 14. Missing two days because of Claire's hospitalization and my flu only made it worse. I did some work at home that weekend--"working feverishly" became literal reality. LOL

It was one of those weeks in which I wish I had a clone.

The editor is IN
Wow, two posts in one day! It must be because I am back at work. With a lot of prep work yesterday, we were able to get ourselves ready and out the door with minimal fuss this morning. Claire even obliged us by sleeping through the night. What a great kid.

How very strange it feels to sit here eating my lunch, listening to a Clannad album and blogging with no worries of the baby needing my attention imminently. While it is refreshing to have some conversations with other adults, I do kind of miss the Wayne Brady show. ;-) Well, that and staying in my pjs all morning while I cuddle my little girl.

So far the day has seemed quite surreal. I feel like I've stepped back into my pre-pregnancy life, but with part of me changed utterly. The biggest reminder of that change was when I needed to slip off to a vacant office to pump some milk. Talk about feeling like a cow. :-p

All we can do...
Last night I finally got a hold of my brother in Fredericksburg. He and his family live about a mile from the Exxon station where the DC sniper claimed its latest victim on Oct. 11. Steve said that his kids have not had outdoor recess in over a week, and he doesn't feel safe letting them play outside their home either. My very active nephew Ian is going quite stir crazy (yep, the one who calls me "Aunt Whirl").

They have been avoiding the gas stations near the Route 95 ramps, even if it means going well out of their way. Not that they feel especially safe at any gas station...

"All we can do is pray for God's protection," he said. Indeed.

Lisping, stammering tongue

I just realized, when my babysitter Lisa's son tried to greet Claire, that I have given my daughter the same fate as me: a name that is unpronounceable by small children. Poor kid. She will be Kway-yuh until she is 4.

Somehow I had forgotten that Ls and Rs are the last sounds that English-speakers acquire. I don't think you can get much worse than Laurel for hard-to-say names among the toddler set. I called myself Low-whoa for the longest time. I have been called Aunt Low-ah, Aunt La-whoa, Aunt Whoa-Whoa and Aunt Whirl by various nieces and nephews.

My personal favorite of these is Whirl. I think it really sums up my relationship with my nephew Ian, who came up with the name. When we are together, we do things like pretend we are in a Kung-Fu movie, making crazy poses and saying "High-Yah!" I definitely whirl with him! LOL

Just one more week until I return to work. I'm both excited and scared.

One thing I was really dreading was dressing for the office because of my weight gain from pregnancy. Fortunately, I got birthday money and was able to do a little shopping for some nice office wear to get me through the fall. I think the big secret is skirts! A-line bias-cut skirts are back this year and they look fabulous on those of us who are amply blessed in the hips area. LOL

I feel really good about our childcare arrangement. Claire will spend Mondays with her grandmother who adores her. Tuesdays and Thursdays she will be home with Joel and me as I work from home. Wednesdays and Fridays she will be with a wonderful Christian stay-at-home mom who lives 5 minutes from here. She has a 2-year old son, worked as a teacher and is married to a surgical resident. She uses the same pediatrician as we do and lives across the street from a pediatrics resident and his wife who attend our church. We are really thankful for how the Lord has provided.

I'm scared about fatigue and being bleary and unproductive when I'm at the office. I also have concerns that Claire will have trouble adjusting to the new schedule. She's done a few trial runs of staying with Grammy--did poorly the first time and did well the second time. I just have to trust the Lord to hold her tiny little hands and help her feel comfortable with her new friends.

It has been a very full few weeks since I last blogged. Claire is just now coming out of a growth spurt in which she added nearly 4 inches to her length by eating constantly. I'm glad that the feeding frenzy is coming to an end because it was exhausting me.

Last night she actually slept through the night--from 10:45 to 7. I don't expect this to become a pattern immediately, but it is a welcome sign of things to come. Last week she was able to sleep for 5-6 hours straight if she tanked up on milk for 3-4 hours before bedtime. Last night she went down much more quickly.

I also turned 34 last weekend. We celebrated by going to the Celtic Classic festival in Bethlehem. Joel's blog has some photos and details. It was an ideal event for Claire's first all-day outing, because I was able to nurse her while enjoying all the fantastic music and ethnic dancing.

We made some technological advances recently. The first was purchasing a digital camera and image editing saftware. Joel has some of the results posted on his blog. I'm loving the image editor, which is a pared-down version on Photoshop. It has most of Photoshop's features at a fraction of the price. With it and MS Publisher, I should be able to dabble in graphic design again. It's what I miss most about my job at the accounting association where I worked for 6.5 years.

Our second advancement was to get DSL service. Wow is the Internet fast now! I need the faster service to telecommute effectively starting in less than two weeks. Since our phone company had a special deal, we decided the time was now to cease waiting for pages to load! Yeah!

Yesterday, Claire became a child of the covenant. She was baptized by Rev. Dr. Philip G. Ryken at the 9 a.m. service and was an absolute gem throughout. She was snoozing in Daddy's arms, but opened her eyes and was aware of what was going on when Phil held her and sprinkled the water on her head. She didn't cry or fuss, but promptly went back to sleep when given back to Daddy.

She wore a beautiful gown made by her Aunt Candace, ribbon-embroidered booties made by my mother, and a smocked bonnet that Joel's mother bought her. Phil mentioned that Claire means clear, bright or shining, and gave her a special blessing--"May you shine forth with the light of Jesus Christ."

After the service we had a little brunch party for her grandparents, godparents (an aunt and uncle), cousins and a few church friends. It was a long, exciting day for Claire. She was passed around, bottle fed and much fussed over. By evening, she just wanted some quiet time with Mommy.

It's a powerful thing to be someone's one, best comfort. Wow. Momhood is cool.

I've become more than a little stir crazy the past few days. Being cooped up in the house with the baby all day is definitely taking its toll.

More than one friend has told me the problem is my expectations rather than the fact the Claire likes to "cluster feed" (e.g. snack on and off) for 3-4 hours at a stretch during the day. I guess I am more of a "type A" personality than I realized. It makes me kind of crazy to not achieve things every day. I like to be active and to have a clean, tidy house. Even when I put Claire in the Baby Bjorn carrier, there are things I can't do, like scrub the bathtub.

Drat. She just woke up again....

God grant me the serenity to accept my dirty house and watch bad sitcoms while Claire plumps up.

I've just begun to be able to do something other than watch TV while nursing. This is a very welcome development, because my brain was beginning to turn to mush. All the morning talk shows cover the exact same things, with the same guests shamelessly promoting their new book/movie/album/TV show. Ugh. In the afternoon I got caught up on old episodes of Cosby show, which I always enjoyed when it was on in the 80s. It was nice to see an African American family protrayed so positively--two parents, both professionals, and well-adjusted, good kids.

But now I can read! Yay! I finished up a silly murder mystery my sister-in-law loaned me, Too Many Crooks Spoil the Broth. It's set in PA Dutch country, and the protagonist, who owns an inn, is quite humorous. The plot was kind of silly, but it was a fun read nonetheless, about my speed when I first got home from the hospital, sleep deprived and sore.

I've started a novel by Ann Patchett, Bel Canto about a group of people taken hostage in South America during a birthday party for a Japanese businessman the government is trying to woo to build a factory in the country. In the evenings, when I get a few minutes to soak in the tub to try to help my stitches heal, I've been reading Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. It's her journal of her first year as a single mom. I'd never read any of Lamott's other books, but now I'm intrigued about her as I've learned that she's a beliver and came to faith after a long struggle with addiction to drugs and alcohol. Her writing is beautiful and her insights about some of the ups, downs and spiritual aspects of being a new mom really blow me away.

I put Mom on the airport shuttle this morning. I will really miss her companionship as I face the first week home alone with Claire. It was lots of fun to hear her stories of birthing and raising 5 kids over many decades, from my brother Tom, born in 1949, to me, born in 1968. Technologies changed, "standard procedures" in the hospitals changed, and "conventional wisdom" also changed dramatically over the decades. While Mom got to stay in the hospital for 5 days minimum after each delivery, she didn't have things like my electric portable breast pump. (It has been my salvation the last 10 days before we got a professional out to help address Claire's latching problems.)

I cannot speak highly enough of the noble calling of lactation consultants. I'd honestly begun to belive that my baby hated me, she was having such a hard time latching on. The success we've finally had getting Claire to feed from me again has given me new hope and enthusiasm for being a mom. Hooray for the pros!

Claire's birth story
Our beautiful new daughter arrived punctually on her due date, Aug. 17, at 2:16 a.m. Here's the story of my L&D experience bringing Claire Elise into the world.

On Thursday Joel and I went to the mall and walked our legs off, got the contractions faster, only to have them stop completely as soon as we got in the car. Most discouraging. We hung out with a friend that evening, relaxed, played Scrabble and figured the timing of labor was all in God's hands. After all, I wouldn't be pregnant forever, even if it was beginning to feel that way.

At around 2 a.m. Friday, I was awakened by a contraction worse than any before. I went and grabbed Joel's watch that lights up and started timing contractions, but tried to sleep as I was able. The contractions were 10 minutes apart. By 6:30 they were 7 minutes apart. I got up and tried to keep moving--showered, walked the dog, did some light house cleaning. They slowed down more than once, then I ate a little lunch. Powie! The contractions got much harder and were 5 minutes apart. I could barely stand they hurt so much. I made Joel eat lunch, then we headed for the hospital, arriving at around 2:15 p.m.

Check in was slow, and the monitoring process was like an episode of the Three Stooges--I seemed to have all the clueless residents tripping in and out. Once they got the monitor working, the contractions were 3 mintues apart and excruciating. They finally checked me at 3:30, I was 5 centimeters. Pretty cool! I thought it would take far longer to dilate that much.

Because monitoring had been so slow, I asked them to send the anesthesiologist over as soon as I got to a L&D room. They got my IV going, and he arrived to do the epidural once enough fluids were in.

I must say, epidurals are AWESOME! I felt fantastic as soon as it kicked in. The next few hours, the contractions slowed down only a little bit (from 3 min apart to 4), but I could barely feel them. :) The doctor examined me and said I was now 7 cm and 90% effaced.

While I was in transition, I actually napped a little. (Did I mention that epidurals were awesome??) I sent Joel to go eat dinner while my mother-in-law and the nurse stayed with me. During this time, my blood pressure was making folks a bit nervous. It got as low as 98/34. Apparently my pressure had been only 110/54 before the epidural though. I had no symptoms like light headedness, but they put me on oxygen for a while anyway.

The next thing I knew, the doctor examined me and said, "You're 10 cm, it's time to start pushing." (I had been asleep when he first came in the room. No kidding). "One problem though," he said. "The baby is face up. We will have to try to turn her through the pushing." That explains why my contractions had been so excruciating without drugs--I'd been in back labor all along.

We started pushing at 8:40. This lasted a very long time. I was put in 4 different positions along the way to turn the baby. I got some breaks when I needed to rest out a few contractions. We watched Friday slowly tick away, and we all joked that this baby wanted to be born ON her due date (Saturday), not one day sooner. By midnight, I was exhausted. We had succeeded in turning the baby face down, but the doctor decided I needed help to finish. My epidural was also wearing off on one side.

The anesthesiologist came to give me a booster dose of anesthesia, and the doctor told me to rest while he finished another delivery. We would proceed with the help of foreceps when he returned.

Over an hour passed, and I was able to recover some strength. A huge cast of characters arrived to help--the doctor, several residents, two nurses and the anesthesiologist. I joked "Party in my room!"

Six more sets of pushing and some deft turns and pulls by the doctor, and she was out at 2:16 am! The foreceps left no marks, and I didn't even have an episiotomy, just some tearing (2nd degree). It took quite a while for him to stitch me up, so I'm still very sore. We were all surprised that an average sized baby (7 lb. 5 oz.) could be so hard to get out.

Claire Elise is named in honor of her great-great grandmother, Clara Elizabeth. She looks like my family facially, but has Joel's long hands and feet. Joel took some film to be developed, and he hopes to scan and post some photos Tuesday or Wednesday.

Lady in waiting...
Day 2 of maternity leave. It feels so strange to be home and not deathly ill. Last night I had contractions that were 10-15 minutes apart for about 5 hours, but they slowed down overnight.

How about sending some labor vibes my way? I'm eager to meet my little girl!

Something's fishy
While nibbling on some Swedish fish (the gummy candy), I noticed they have a slightly oily sheen. Reading the package, I learned that these critters contain mineral oil and carnauba wax. Is this supposed to make them easier to swallow?

Alas, I'll never be a chemist
While I aced the concepts of chemisty in high school, I and my lab partner were total clods at application. I still blame the teacher, though, and here's why.

Mr. G. was one of those rumpled, bumbling sorts of high school teachers who wore polyester pants, wrinkled shirts and had crazy Harry Potter-esque black hair. His wife, a bossy, condescending type, taught eighth grade science in the same school district. I suspect she had done a lot to undermine Mr. G's confidence.

Early on in the school year I became convinced that Mr. G. was an idiot. I think it was the day he was doing calculations on the board and needed to add 2 and 3, came up with 6, realized that wasn't right, then reached for a calculator. How can you trust a man who doesn't know the difference between addition and multiplication?

One of our early lab experiments was to create hydrogen gas, collect some, then do a "pop test" to verify that it was indeed hydrogen. Mr. G. (who can't even add) told us to collect the gas in a test tube. Our lab manual said to use a gas bottle (roughly five times the volume). Debbie and I decided that Mr. G. had to be wrong, so we followed the lab manual's instruction. We easily collected our gas, then went to do the "pop test." Instead of the nice little pop our classmates were getting, we got a sonic boom. The sound echoed down the corridor, and Mr. G. went ballistic. When we sheepishly admitted to following the lab book, he just shook his head and said, "You girls!" I guess that was supposed to be the ultimate put-down.

Later in the school year, after months of no major lab incidents, we were to do an experiment that required heating a substance from above with direct flame from the bunsen burner. Mr. G. showed the class the technique at my lab station. We got set up, lit the burner, then Debbie gently lifted the burner to heat the substance. Well, the hose attaching the burner to the gas line disconnected and flame shot out of the gas line, burning Debbie up one arm. Mr. G. again went ballistic.

This time I stood my ground and told him that HE was the one who had loosened the hose during his demonstration, and that he ought to be more careful. He looked at me dumbfounded, told the rest of the class to check their hose connections, then had me take my injured lab partner to the nurse.

The really funny thing is, I took chemisty as an elective my senior year, thinking it would be interesting. Talk about going out with a bang.

Yet another getting-to-know-you list from Rick's blog. (Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery)

1. Saddest movie you've seen: Shadowlands, and any other movie in which men cry. Seeing men cry always makes me cry.

2. Funniest movies you've seen: Clockwise and Rat Race

3. Irrational fears you had as a child: I used to believe that if the light from lightning touched you, you would die. Many summer nights I huddled in the stairwell terrified during a thunderstorm, until my mom set me straight that the lightning itself had to hit you.

4. Was there a book you had as a child that you were scared to read because the pictures were scary? My mom's Raggedy Ann books had some pretty freaky creatures in them

5. If you could have one talent in the world, it would be... skiing, but I'm so afraid of heights, I could never even get on a ski lift. Guess that's why I admire those who can.

6. Language I'd most like to master in my lifetime: English, of course. After all, I'm an editor!

7. What is your favorite city? Philly. It's a great place to live. My second choice would be London.

8. What is your favorite memory about the city in #7? The first time I went to the 4th of July fireworks with Joel. We brought bubbles and entertained some adorable kids we'd never seen before. Then we snuggled on the blanket and enjoyed the pyrotechnics show. It was fun feeling part of a community and individually loved at the same time.

9. Do you root for the favorite or the underdog? Underdog. I think Christianity has hard-wired this preference in me.

10. Left-handed people are: Fun to date. You can hold hands and still eat, write, etc. (Yes, Joel is a lefty.)

11. Animal you'd most like to see on the endangered species list: Merlins. They are the most adorable bird of prey, and I've only ever seen one in the wild. Okay, it was actually my parents' back yard...But they are rare!

12. Milk chocolate or dark chocolate? dark

13. Movie with worst casting decision: Anything with Jack Nicholson in it. He gives me the heebie-jeebies.

14. Most interesting foreign accent: I love African accents (except South African). Russian accents are just downright sexy.

15. Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well, or just plain tartare? Medium well

16. Have you ever had fondue? Of course. It was all the rage in the 70s.

17. Something interesting you've learned listening to NPR: That I know tons more about cars and car repair than my husband.

18. Can you balance a redox equation?: I love those crazy things. They seemed so incredibly easy that it helped me shed my math phobia once and for all. Redox equations are my only fond memory from high school chemistry, because my lab partner and I were total clods when it came to doing experiments. But that's a story for another time...

A sad day
Chaim Potok, one of my favorite authors, died today of brain cancer at age 73. Here's a link to his obituary.

I was first introduced to Potok's writing in a freshman college course, in which we read his most famous novel "The Chosen." It was my first in-depth look at the lives of Jews living in America and was quite eye-opening, having grown up in a fairly homogenous mongrel-European protestant community in rural Pennsylvania. I had one Jewish friend growing up, but I never got to see what modern Judaism looked like in practice. Her parents were basically Russian atheists who got to the U.S. with help from the American Jewish community, then more or less ceased practicing once here.

I went on to read the sequel, "The Promise," as well as Potok's two books about a Hasidic Jewish artist, "My Name is Asher Lev" and "The Gift of Asher Lev." I also really enjoyed "Davita's Harp," which has a female protagonist, and "The Book of Lights," about a Jewish chaplain serving in the Korean War. I highly recommend all of his novels that I have read.

Prophecy
Last night Joel was flipping through a book on feast days. "Well, look at this," he said. "August 11 is St. Clare's feast day. We were thinking of naming the baby Claire. I think she will be born on the 11th."

I really like this quote by St. Clare (who started the order called the "Poor Clares"): "can a heart which possesses the infinite God be truly called poor?"

Any one else want to weigh in with birthdate predections? The doctors have estimated my due date to be Aug. 13, 14 or 17.

I've been reading an Orson Scott Card novel about the Biblical Sarai/Sarah. I've been especially curious to see how he, being a Mormon, would approach the text.

I've found it pretty good so far, so different from Anita Diamante's "The Red Tent," written by a Jewish author who seems intent on undermining Judaism--making YHWH a pretty nasty diety, and all of His followers either stupid or evil.

I've just finished a section where Card deals with the incident of Abrahm lying about Sarai being his sister while they are in Egypt to escape a famine in Canaan. Card handles the situation deftly, I thought, and makes Abrahm out to be far more godly than some commentators who wig out about the deception. I've also enjoyed watching Sarai's faith grow as she stuggles to be a good wife to Abrahm and deal with doubts brought on by the crisis of infertility.

Yet to come in the novel are the covenant and the Hagar situation. Should be intriguing reading!