Hospice
Dad started taking a turn for the worse yesterday. He began running a fever, and his platelets and electrolytes were still messed up. This morning we got bad news from the nephrologist--dad's kidney's have not been functioning normally. His salt levels have been so high since Sunday that irreversable brain damage has been caused. Even if the infections can be cured, he will never regain consciousness.

This afternoon, my mom and brother have a consult with the hospice staff. We want to move Dad back to the retirement community's hospice center to die peacefully. My mom is at peace about the decision, but at the same time scared and sad. She and Dad have been married 55 years.

It may sound strange, but it would be very meaningful to my family if Dad went home to the Lord on All Saint's Day. Dad has always been very enthusiastic about his faith and so open to what the Lord is doing.

It's hard to grasp the reality of losing a parent, even when I can see first hand that he is leaving us. I look at his hands and see him patiently teaching me to operate a darkroom, change a tire, paste up a newsletter page. I followed in his footsteps careerwise, a fact that made him so proud. I'm thankful he could walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and see Claire at least once.

Update
Thanks for your prayers and well wishes. My father was very close to death on Sunday. He has a type of stapf pneumonia and sepsis. On Monday morning, Claire and I flew down to Florida where I now write this on a wretched dial-up connection (I want my DSL! Waah!). My brother Steve was a huge help on the flight and Claire behaved exceptionally well, even without a morning nap. She has been a real trooper and brings a lot of joy to my family who've gathered down here.

As of today, my dad is still very seriously ill but improving, and the sepsis seems to be clearing up. The doctor who gave him 10% chance of survival on Sunday was actually very optimistic today. The pneumonia continues to be a worry. My dad will likely be in the ICU for several weeks recovering from the looks of things. We hope that tomorrow he'll be awake some after sleeping/being unconscious the past 48 hours, because two of my siblings have flights home in the afternoon. I and Steve are here until Sunday.

Please pray
I'd appreciate your prayers. My father is gravely ill and not expected to survive the next few days (Joel gives some more details).

I'm going to be flying with Claire to Florida first thing in the morning. Fortunately, one of my older brothers got a connecting flight through Philadelphia so he can help me deal with a very active toddler on the 3-hour flight.

This is especially stressful because it was so sudden. I'm having a hard time thinking straight and just figuring out what to put in the suitcase.

Lost and going nowhere fast
During Joel's fall break we were able to get free babysitting and decided to go to the movies. (The last thing I saw in a theatre was Matrix Reloaded. How sad is that?)

On a friend's recommendation we saw Lost in Translation starring Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson. While the ads try to play up the comic aspects, this film's humor is pretty subtle. On the whole it felt far more like a drama.

Murray's character is a has-been Hollywood star who's visiting Tokyo to film a commercial. Johansson's a recent college grad in Tokyo with her husband, a photographer. The two are both plagued with insomnia and end up meeting in the hotel lounge and strike up a friendship.

As you follow each of them over several days, you see parallels--his career is over, hers hasn't begun yet. Both feel unneeded by their spouses. Both are deeply depressed and floundering to find any significance in their lives. Both are total outsiders in Japanese culture, though the younger one (Johansson) is willing to take some daytrips and explore on her own. Murray is routinely herded around by "handlers."

There are several quite funny scenes that highlight the Americans' inability to understand the Japanese language or culture. Yet the humor has an edge of the pathetic to it. You really feel sorry for these two lost souls.

Pottypalooza?
I think this has to be about the strangest fund raiser for charity I've ever heard of. I saw an ad for it in the latest Budget Living and wondered why on earth the marketing folks at Charmin thought this was an appropriate activity to link to a charitable cause. Weirdos. Why can't they just ask people to send in UPCs like normal companies?

Questions for Emeth
1. What novel has had the greatest impact on your life? How so?

2. Like all siblings, I'm sure you and your brothers had plenty of squabbles growing up. Now that you're all young adults, what do you most appreciate and admire about Ben and Berek?

3. On your last few trips to the U.S., you got a taste of American life. What are some things you think will be the most challenging to adjust to when you come on a more long-term basis to study?

4. How do you and Davey complement or balance each other in terms of personality, skills and spiritual gifts?

5. As a special gift, a wealthy relative has hired a wedding coordinator to help you make all your wedding plans. What instructions do you give her (theme, colors, other details)?

Good vibes
This morning on NPR Weekend Edition, Liane Hansen interviewed a hip, young vibraphone player known as Lalo. It was fun to hear how she got her first chance to play this funky percussion instrument in high school. Her school actually owned one that was collecting dust in a storage room.

I love the funky mix of techno and jazz that she's created. Her first album is definitely going on my wish list.

I got to try out marimba and vibes in high school too, thanks to a student teacher who came my senior year and was a percussion specialist. I was the only mallet player in the school, so I got more than my fair share of his time. He taught me rudimentary four mallet technique and I had a blast.

I think of the two instruments, marimba is more me. Vibes can be a bit, well, tingy and loungy. Marimba feels more organic. It include a lower octave than a xylophone. You play it with these soft yarn-covered mallets and get a really mellow sound, instead of the plinky xylophone sound.

Sigh. Buying my own marimba would be really high on my list if I were to come into a fortune.

In other highlights of the day, we got to meet Daniel Silliman , who was in the area visiting relatives. I thought it was way cool that he's double majoring in philosophy and journalism. Both Joel and I got to talk shop with him. Great fun. :-)

Questions for Jennifer

I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to recycle one of the questions I gave Paul, because I'd like to hear how you'd answer it.

Here goes.

1. You grew up in a really large family. How has your growing up experience influenced how you parent your own children?

2. How, after attending an Anabaptist college, did you end up Presbyterian?

3. What do you like most and least about being a pastor's wife?

4. Who are your favorite literary heroines? With what fictional character have you felt the greatest kinship?

5. You just won a contest sponsored by Miramax. They offered to make any book of your choosing into a film. What book do you choose? What casting suggestions do you give?

When you post your answers on your blog, please include the following:
::If you would like to participate too, here are your instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions (not the same as you see here).
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.::

You turn your back for one minute....
(not for the squeamish)

This evening, I was helping gather up dinner items to carry out to the dining room, when I hear Joel let out a big "Aieee!" from the next room.

I ran to see what the matter was, and Joel walked into the kitchen carrying a tiny, maimed mouse.

"Claire was holding this, cuddling it close to her face!" Joel said. "Yuck! I mean, it's cute and all, but gross!" He carried it out the back door and plopped it in the garden. We then washed Claire's hands and face with antibacterial soap.

This mouse was really small, probably about an inch and a half body with a long tail. It must be a litter mate of the mouse Keats was tormenting last week. I doubt that little critter survived so many days after the mauling Keats gave it.

Note to self: Stop procrastinating. Buy traps.

Questions for Paul
OK Duggie-meister, here are your questions:

1. You just won a contest sponsored by Miramax. They offered to make any book of your choosing into a film. What book do you choose? What casting suggestions do you give?

2. If you could have any of the following services free for the next year, which would you choose? Explain your choice.
a. a live-in housekeeper
b. a minivan chauffeur service for your family
c. a chef service that drops off hot meals to your door
d. a personal trainer and dietician to help your family be fit and healthy
e. a life coach to help you with your career, parenting, marriage relationship and any other emotional issues in your life

3. If you were offered a generous stipend to pursue an advanced degree, what would you study?

4. A wealthy relative offers to send you and Sylvia on a three-week all-expenses-paid dream vacation to celebrate your 10th anniversary (without the kids!). Where do you go?

5. If you had free rein to change the worship services at Tenth Presbyterian, what alterations would you make?

When you post your answers on your blog, please be sure to include the instructions (see my earlier post).

Rats!
Or should I say "Mice!"? As I write this, my little black kitty Keats is tormenting a young, gray rodent under the buffet in my dining room. I suspected he had found some new prey when I heard him rambunctiously scampering around, his license clinkety-clinking.

The last I checked, he had the mouse cornered in a coiled piece of extension cord on the floor. The mouse would peep up his tiny, gray head every once in a while, only to receive a sound swat from Keats. While I don't relish the thought of the dirty rodent skittering across any part of my person, it is awfully cute and deserves to have a more humane death. Perhaps we should buy some traps. Quick and no torture.

I just hope I don't wake up to find a dead mouse on the threshold of our bedroom. Earlier this week that's where Keats left a pocket pack of Kleenex that he "killed" for us. Weird cat.

Interview questions from Dawn

1. What is your favorite thing about your house? Why?
I think the location is still what I love most. We're in the city, with easy access to museums, fine dining and shopping, yet surrounded by lots of trees. Since I grew up in a rural area, trees are very important to me. Extensive hiking and biking trails are just a block away. At the same time, there's a movie theatre and wine shop within walking distance.

The area also has a strong sense of neighborhood. We actually know several of our neighbors' names and talk to them regularly. Many of the early 1900s homes are just really pretty to see as well.

2. If you had to choose only one artistic ability (sing, cook, draw/paint/etc., play an instrument, or another) to excel at what would it be?
I think I could happily forgo being a Broadway or opera star if I could excel at creative writing. I would love to write books for pre-teens and teenagers that capture their imaginations and help nerdy kids feel good about their particular strengths. It's something Madeleine L'Engle does well and why she remains one of my heroes.

3. Are you still liking being a "stay at home" mom? What is the most challenging?
I still really love being home, but I'm still in a honeymoon phase, I think. The most challenging part is yet to come, when discipline issues really come to the fore. Two-year-olds are very skilled at pushing their parents' buttons and wearing them down with persistent misbehavior (whining, tantrums, etc.).

4. Susan Howatch. I've read Wheel of Fortune. Where do I start in her other books?
I'd recommend going to what she wrote next, the Church of England series. The first book is Glittering Images, then Glamorous Powers, Ultimate Prizes, Scandalous Risks, Mystical Paths and Absolute Truths. The series is arranged chiastically. The first and sixth books deal with a father and son who represent the evangelical wing of Anglicanism. The second and fifth book deal with a different father and son, who represent the Anglo-Catholic and Charismatic wing. The central two books both look at one character from two points of view. He represents the liberals. I think he's central because liberalism became a kind of turning point in the church's history.

5. You've had a rather, um, eclectic history with churches. How did you come to the PCA and does a "Reformed" view fit well with your theology?
I came to the PCA in a rather circuitous way that seems kind of typical of my life. Here goes:

I got a low-paying job in the Philly area and needed a cheap place to stay. I called the only Southern Baptist church in the area (the denom. I was attending with my parents at home), and asked to put up a notice on their bulletin board. Within a week, a Christian family called me and offered a free place to stay if I would live with their elderly relative and do housework, laundry and errands. Within four months, the elderly woman died.

One of this lady's close friends decided to take me under her wing and invited me to attend church with her family. They, of course, attended Tenth Presbyterian. For quite a while, I continued attending the Southern Baptist church in the morning and Tenth Presby in the evening. A large part of what got me to leave the Baptists was the fact that they had almost no other single people in the congregation.

Going only to Tenth was a difficult transition in some ways. I hadn't grown up with infant baptism or such emphasis on doctrine. I found myself reacting to the first sermons I heard from James Boice with a mix of eagerness to hear more and irritation. I'll try to explain this in my answer to the second half of the question.

The second part of this question (does a "Reformed" view fit well with your theology?) is rather hard to answer. I think my faith has been strongly shaped by my eclectic background, and at heart I want to incorporate the strengths of several traditions. I think reformed preaching appeals to my intellectual side, and I prefer traditional worship on the whole. Most of my quibbles with the PCA are not theological. It's more matters of style, liturgy and attitude that bother me.

I've met too many reformed people who find assurance of their salvation in having the right ideas about Jesus and his atoning work, rather than through actual faith in Christ. The intellectualism that gets so much praise in reformed circles can in some ways be a liability. "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." I see people becoming discouraged because they're expected to be "theological racehorses" when their spiritual gifts lie elsewhere and rarely get used to build up the church. (My thanks to John B. for articulating this so well in a conference talk.)

I don't want to belabor the point here. I like a lot of things about our church. Some things I'd like to be different. Part of my faith journey has been an increased interest in liturgical worship. Aside from wanting to receive the Lord's Supper more often, I like the fact that liturgy is very Trinitarian. I think the Baptists frankly have a more robust view of the Holy Spirit than most Presbyterians I know.

I could probably be very happy as an Anglican, if there were any churches of the non-wacky-liberal variety anywhere near us.


::If you would like to participate too, here are your instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions (not the same as you see here).
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.::

Rental
If you're looking for something fun to rent from the video store this week, I recommend A Mighty Wind. It's another mockumenary from the creators of Best of Show. Many of the same actors appear in both films.

The writers really capture the documentary feel so well that you're shocked to laughter by some of the absurd things the actors say or do. I think it's that mixture of mock serious mixed with the silly and outlandish that also makes Monty Python so appealing.

I'm not especially familiar with the world of folk music, other than being vaguely aware that it was popular when I was little. Joel said that he thought the mock folk songs were fabulous parodies, then played a few Peter, Paul and Mary tunes to prove it. The writers did indeed satirize the genre amazingly well.

Perhaps the most funny of all is one of the female singers from the group "The New Main Street Singers" who explains her religion, WINC or "wink." The tenets of this faith include the worship of color. She and her husband do quirky rituals before each rehearsal and performance that are absolutely sidesplitting.

Aaah shelf space
In the spirit of non-hoarding, I want to get rid of some of my books. For a while I belonged to three book groups and read some stuff I didn't much care for. Some I've earmaked to pass on to others who might enjoy the stories I didn't like. The others I can't in good conscience recommend.

Here are a few examples:
Personal History by Katharine Graham. Too long. Annoyingly huge amount of name dropping. You'd think a newspaper publisher could be more pithy and tell only the really interesting bits.

Waiting by Ha Jin. A love story in communist China that is more frustrating than Remains of the Day. Characters become increasingly unlikable as the story progresses.

Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund. This book starts great, then takes a major swerve with twists that strain credulity more than I'm willing to suspend disbelief.

It's not a huge pile, maybe 10 or 12 books altogether. I'm thinking of selling them on amazon.com. Have any of you done this before? Any tips? Pitfalls to avoid?

Waaah!
I just realized I have less than a week until the big 3-5. It kind of sneaked up on me this year. Soon I won't be able to say "I'm in my early 30s" without lying outright.

On the bright side, we're going to a cool, free Celtic music festival on Saturday to celebrate. Wahoo!

Hoarding
I was re-reading the last issue of re:generation quarterly (now defunct) and came across a great article on homemaking. What really stuck with me was this (a rough paraphrase, because I can't find the issue today):

"Jesus said that if we hoard our possessions, they will rot."

That really nailed me to the wall, because I have a terrible time parting with clothes, even if I never wear them. The author challenged readers to see our hoarding of stuff rather than giving as stealing from the poor.

It really felt like a breakthough to hear this. I hit the closets harder than I ever had before. I tried to picture the woman who really needed the clothes I wasn't wearing. A blazer and skirt for the single mom trying to make it and raise her kids alone. Jeans for a teenager whose parents neglect her. A sweater for an elderly woman scraping by on Social Security.

Filling bag after bag became like a prayer. Bless her, and her and her and her. Wrap Your love around every one who receives these clothes. And thank You for Your abundance. Help me to always rush to give and hesitate to hoard.

A calling
This evening I was looking through a book on various saints that someone gave Claire as a gift. I found some food for thought in the entry on Ann, the mother of Mary and patron of homemakers:

"Human beings are not like birds, whose instincts tell them how to make the right nest for their offspring. Homemakers must use their minds to discover how to create a home that will protect, nurture and teach the children who belong there. While each bird hatched in the nest is almost identical to all the other birds in the species, no human child is like any other. The homemaker works to create a place and make the time in which each unique child has a chance to grow and flower into a strong and loving person for whom the world will give thanks.

"Making a home that protects children has less to do with locks and bolts than with the loving presence of a homemaker who is aware of the many dangers children face, both body and soul. The homemaker employs experience and foresight to guard the children from such danger. A true homemaker does not run a fast-food concession. She or he knows that meals shared around the family table not only provide better nutrition but also help prepare them for life in the community outside the home.

"The homemaker teaches the children of the household not only by direct instruction but by creating the home environment: Tables and chairs are arranged with children in mind; storage cases, cabinets and dressers are provided to encourage children to be independent and orderly. The homemaker is true to this vocation when she or he makes the home's simple, everyday objects speak to the children of their own dignity." (Patrons and Protectors: Occupations, Liturgy Training Publications, Chicago, 2001)

I've been somewhat concerned about the level of priority that's appropriate to give tidyness when parenting a small child. So many of my peers keep a different standard than what I grew up with. I wonder if I'm becoming too persnickety. But this excerpt did bolster my belief that creating an orderly environment is an important part of helping children grow, giving them a sense of safety, proportion and rhythm.

Back
Been away since last Wednesday visiting friends while Joel was at a conference. Claire had an awesome time trying to keep up with my girlfriend's 2- and 3-year-old. Her walking improved tremendously for one. She even went to the zoo for the first time. The monkeys were a big hit.

Abundance
Choir started for the year, and it's great to be singing with a group again after a 9 year hiatus. One side benefit of joining the group, I thought, would be getting to know more people at church.

God knows what we need better than we know ourselves sometimes. At rehearsal last night, the director asked all the new people to introduce ourselves. He started with the sopranos, so I explained that I'm a stay-at-home-mom and where I live in the city. When the altos started intoducing themselves, one of the women said she also was a SAHM in the same section of the city and that she really wanted to talk to me afterwards because she's new to the area and "I really need friends."

We talked after rehearsal, and it turns out this gal lives on the street that runs parallel to mine, basically just ONE BLOCK away! We were both really excited. She has use of a car most days, and I know the area fairly well, so it will be fun to have someone to errand run and explore with. Her son is 2 1/2, so it will be interesting to see how the kids interact.

I'd had a kind of secret wish for a friend who's close by to do things with, but hadn't ever articulated this desire to anyone, or even specifically prayed for it. God truly does provide more than we ask or imagine.

1 kraZ mama
How utterly kewl is this? I found a pair of Rollerblades (yep, the brand name ones) in my size for just $10 at a yard sale. They threw in the full set of knee, elbow and wrist pads for free. I'd been scouring yard sales all summer in search of blades for a more fun workout. I never dreamed I'd find them so cheap.

I first tried blading two years ago at a roller rink and thought it was fun. It's more like ice skating, which I can do without embarrassing myself too much. Today I took Claire and the stroller and my new blades (and pads and a helmet) to the River Drive to get rolling.

I don't know what I was thinking. I have next to no experience and set off using the stroller to balance. That was well and good until I hit a slight incline. I didn't know how to get enough momentum to go uphill, or how to safely slow down going downhill. At one point I had to roll off the trail into some grass to slow down and banged the stoller into a fence. My water bottle went flying, making the impact seem harder than it really was. Claire was unphased, but I was really shaken. My good sense returned and I knew I needed to take off the skates, go to a flat place, then try skating.

I did pretty well on the flat. My ankles and hips got a bit achy, but I'm beginning to get the hang of this skating thing. My rule of thumb for now is NO HILLS. And definitely no hills while pushing the stroller.